


To Write Love on His Arms

by trash_talk



Category: Of Mice & Men (Band)
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 00:56:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7338091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_talk/pseuds/trash_talk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>love [luhv]<br/>noun<br/>1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.</p><p>The word "love" was what Austin felt about him.</p><p>[Austin Carlile/OMC | Slash | I own no one; just the plot and Matty and any other original character mentioned in this story. | The events that happened in this story has never happened.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They Say We're Too Young To Know

Austin was sitting in the doctor’s office, nervously tapping his right foot on the white, dirty tile floor. He didn’t like hospitals, not one bit. Even though he was been in and out of that god awful place constantly, Austin has _never_ gotten used to the smell, the air, the touch of the hospital.  
  
Today, Austin thought, was going to be no different. The doctor would ask Austin how he was doing today, he’d say he was fine, the doctor would then tell him how his heart has been doing so far, and then Austin would go home and slack off or work on writing some new songs. It was almost a routine for Austin. A simple routine that was easy to memorize since it happened over and over again.  
  
But today was going to be a different day.  
  
There was a surprise in store for Austin. When the doctor had called Austin unexpectedly for a special appointment, the twenty six year old couldn’t help but wonder what the so-called “special appointment” was all about. Obviously, it was about his heart that’s for sure. But what the tall male wanted to know was _why_ the appointment was special.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted when the doctor had came, entering the room with a small, friendly smile on his face. “Hello Austin. It’s nice to see you again.”  
  
“Hey Dr. Vincent,” Austin greeted with a smile in return. “So what’d you call me in for?”  
  
Dr. Vincent sat down on the stool right next to the bed Austin was sitting on. The room they were in wasn’t exactly considered exactly like a hospital room. It looked like one of those rooms you go to the doctors at where all you have is a check up or come if you had a fever or cold of some sorts. The doctor opened a yellow file folder, looking through dozens of papers until he pulled out a white paper out in triumph.  
  
“Here it is,” he mumbled to himself. “I have good news Austin, very good news indeed. As you can tell, you came for your heart condition, yes? Well, fortunately for you we can do an operation where we can replace your half fake, half real heart with a perfectly healthy one. We have donors who are willing to donate their hearts and I already found the perfect donor if you’re interested in the procedure.”  
  
“Really?” Austin asked in surprise. “There are actually people out there who _want_ to give up their heart?”  
  
“Yes. Like I said before, if you’re up for it, we can call up one of the heart donors who are ready for the procedure at anytime. I already have a donor who I highly recommend. He has a perfectly healthy heart in great condition. I highly recommend doing this if you want to replace the heart you currently have with the real one the donor is offering.”  
  
Austin thought about it a little. Dr. Vincent excused himself out of the room to give the tattooed man a moment to think about his decision. Although he _did_ want an actual heart, not one that was half his own half fake, since the thought of the one he has right now worries him. What if it gave up on him all the sudden? What if he fell asleep and never woke up because he died in his sleep due to his heart.  
  
Once ten minutes passed by, Dr. Vincent returned to the room. “Well?”  
  
“Yeah,” he said, smiling a little. “I’ll do it.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
A week passed by and today would be the day the twenty six year old will meet his heart donor. Austin didn’t know what to feel. Should he be nervous? Should he be happy or excited? Should he be scared or what? Whatever he should feel, it made Austin grip the steering wheel of his car tightly.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Austin was sitting in the parking lot of the hospital professional building. He knew he had to meet Dr. Vincent and the heart donor the doctor who looked to be forty-something years old recommended in a few more minutes. But the thought of meeting someone who is willing to give up their healthy beating heart for him made him fucking nervous.  
  
Once he grew the courage to actually step foot out of his grey 2008 Chrysler Sebring, here he was, standing in the lobby of the hospital like some clueless lost puppy.  
  
“Austin, over here!” called out Dr. Vincent. He never had referred to Austin as _“Mr. Carlile”_ like most doctors would. He doesn’t try and act professional for his job like any doctor would. He treated Austin and all of his patients like a regular person than a client. That’s what Austin liked about him.  
  
Once the vocalist was side by side with the doctor, he noticed a male looking down, either playing a game or texting on his phone. “Sorry I was late,” he mumbled out nervously.  
  
“Oh, it’s alright, Austin. Well, I have to get going. Austin, this is Matthew Moore, he’s your heart donor. Hopefully you both get along. Goodbye Austin and Matthew.”  
  
The male, who Austin assumed was Matthew, looked up at him, putting his phone away in his jean pocket. He had dark brown hair with caramel brown highlights. His dark chocolate brown eyes looked absolutely stunning to Austin. Although he was wearing black glasses, those eyes were easy for the twenty six year old to get lost in. He had rich, milky white skin. It looked so soft and delicate to Austin. The fact that this stranger was blushing a rosey shade of pink didn’t help the jittery feeling in Austin’s stomach. He wore grey skinny jeans that made his legs look great and black Converse that were very much alike to the tattooed man’s shoes he had on. Matthew had a black Of Mice and Men bracelet on his right wrist as well as a sky blue Of Mice and Men Squidgy band-tee that fitted him perfectly. The silver hoop on his nose made him impossibly more attractive to the vocalist. He was a walking and talking piece of perfection in Austin’s eyes.  
  
“H-holy shit, you’re Austin Carlile from Of Mice and Men,” he said shyly.  
  
_‘Great,’_ Austin thought. _‘Even his voice is perfect.’_  
  
“So I guess I’ll be handing my heart over to you, huh?”  
  
“Yeah,” Austin replied, adding a nervous chuckle. He made a self note to stop saying “yeah” all the time.  
  
“Soo…how are you today?” Matthew asked him, smiling at Austin adorably.  
  
“I’m tired, hungry, but good. How about yourself?”  
  
“You just summed up my whole day.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
After minutes of discussing where to eat, currently Matthew and Austin were sitting in a booth at IHOP, waiting for their order of buttermilk pancakes. Austin was watching Matthew, who preferred to be called “Matty”, color the pictures that the children colored on the kids meal paper mat while they were waiting for their meal. Although the waitress thought that was weird (yet she was checking him out every chance she got which made Austin wanted to keep Matty all to himself), the tattooed male found it absolutely adorable in so many ways.  
  
“What are you drawing?” Austin asked when the waitress set their drinks (two waters with no ice) on the table in front of them.  
  
“Squidgy and I,” he answered, looking up and smiling at him.  
  
Austin tried not to let out an “aw” at that moment. “Can I see?” he asked.  
  
“Yeah, of course!” Matty handed him the paper, blushing a little at his work.  
  
_‘Okay, this is so **fucking** adorable!!!’_ Austin thought to himself. The drawing was of a giant Squidgy with Matty cuddling Squidgy in his sleep. “You’re an amazing artist, Matty!”  
  
“You really think so?” he shyly asked him, cutting his pancakes in small triangular shape pieces.  
  
“Think so? I know so!” Austin replied rather loudly. The tattooed man noticed the cute brunette looking down, hiding the blush on his face.  
  
“So Matty…tell me about yourself.”  
  
“What do you wanna know?”  
  
“Everything.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
Austin learned that Matty’s full name is Matthew Alexander Moore, he just turned twenty-three on July, lives alone in an apartment right around the beach and local coffee shop that does live shows, and is single. He loves to draw, write, do photography, and his one true passion is music. Matty has never met his father and recently lost his mother. He is an only child. He has two kittens and…he’s bisexual.  
  
Matty invited Austin over to his apartment to hang out some more. It made Austin excited to think that Matty still wanted to hang out with him. Sure, you would probably assume that he invited him over because he’s _the_ Austin Carlile, the most amazing screamer ever and Matty’s favorite band member in his favorite band, Of Mice and Men. But no, Matty forgot Austin was that famous band member who saved so many lives every day everywhere. He treated Austin like he was a regular person, as if he was never in a band and was never famous. This was another thing to add to the list of why Austin is falling for Matthew Alexander Moore.  
  
“So this is my lovely home, make yourself comfortable. Wanna drink?”  
  
“Water would be fine, yes,” Austin answered.  
  
Austin looked around, what he assumed was, the living room. He noticed the canvases around hung on the walls, the paintings of landscapes, people, random things, shapes, and symbols. He noticed that it had Matty’s signature on the bottom right hand corner on each painting. Austin noticed that there were picture frames. Some were of other art work like drawings while others were actually pictures. They were pictures of Matty, what Austin assumed was him as a child and his family.  
  
“Yeah, that’s me if you’re wondering,” Matty said from behind.  
  
Austin jumped a little, turning to look at him. “Oh…Are all these drawings and paintings made by you?” he asked, making sure that his guess was true.  
  
“Oh, these old things,” Matty said, looking at one painting of the beach by his apartment with the sun setting and the waves crashing down. “Yeah, I did all these. They’re not the best, but I make money off these. It’s whatever.”  
  
“Whatever?” Austin scoffed, drinking some of the water that was given to him. “Do I have to remind you how amazing of an artist you are?”  
  
“Really Austin, I’m not all that great.”  
  
The tattooed man couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Matty doubted himself, not believing that he truly has talent. Austin wondered why he couldn’t see how talented he was. So instead of arguing with Matty, he left it at that, switching topics. He just met the guy; he didn’t want to scare him away already.  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
It’s been already three months since Matty and Austin have met. In those three months, they have spent every single day with each other. Of course, Austin introduced Matty to his band mates, which Matty was excited about. Aaron, Alan, Phil, and Tino could see how much Austin was falling for Matty, and they didn’t mind having Matty around when they all hung out. Matty was cool and was a perfect match for Austin in their eyes. As for Alan, well, Austlan Cashby wasn’t real, nor will it ever be. Sure, he used to have a _little_ crush on his best friend. But that was then and this was now. And as of right now, he wanted his best friend to be happy. In his eyes, the ginger thought that Austin would be happy with Matty.  
  
It might have been just three months, but in those three months, _a lot_ has happened—specifically to Matty.  
  
The two had assumed that the fans that maybe they thought of Austin and Matty as an “item”. There have been a lot of words from PupFresh and PropertyofZack that apparently they were a couple and Austlan Cashby wasn’t real (Like it ever was). It was one day when Matty went out to get a latte at the local coffee shop by his apartment. He was going to Austin’s house to hang out as usual that very day. The line was somewhat long, but he was patient so he waited, playing some Fruit Ninja on his black iPhone to entertain himself while he waited. Austin texted him, telling him that instead of Matty coming over, why not enjoy some coffee together and go hang out somewhere else later. Matty replied with an _“Okay, that’s sounds awesome!”_ until he looked up, a women staring at him.  
  
“You’re Matty aren’t you?” she asked with annoyance, looking at him as if he were a pile of filth.  
  
“Uh, yeah why?” he asked, worry building up inside him.  
  
“I’m Stephanie; you’re _boyfriend_ ’s ex-girlfriend.” She couldn’t say Austin’s name. The fact that she never knew her ex was interested in men disgusted her.  
  
“Oh…Austin and I aren’t dating. We’re just fri—“  
  
“Psh, yeah right! He always made jokes about being a “flaming homo”,” she said, putting air quotes on “flaming homo”. “I just never knew he actually was one himself, ugh. You two are disgusting faggots.”  
  
Everyone stared at them; the employees even stop doing what they were doing. All eyes were on them, watching the scene go down; Stephanie yelling at Matty while Matty just stood there with tears spilling down his face.  
  
Austin had entered the coffee shop, smiling knowing that he got to see Matty. His smile soon turned into a frown, watching as his ex-girlfriend yelled at the boy he cared the most for. He rushed to Matty’s side, holding him into his arms. “Shh, it’s okay,” he said, trying his best to reassure the crying twenty three year old male in his arms. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“She keeps telling me that I’m a faggot, that I’m pathetic, and that I’m gonna go to Hell for liking guys. B-but, I like girls too! It’s not w-wrong to love the same g-gender, r-right?”  
  
“Of course it’s okay to love the same gender, Mats. Do what your heart tells you and if your heart leads you to the right direction, then all is good. Don’t listen to her; she doesn’t know what love is.”  
  
“You both are going to Hell!” the woman shouted at them, glaring at the two. Her words only made Matty cry even harder, his face buried in Austin’s plain white t-shirt. “You two are disgusting!”  
  
“Why would you say such a thing? What has Matty ever done to you, huh? Matty is perfect and he’s never laid one hand on you and never said one single thing to you,” Austin stepped in, looking at the women while soothingly rubbing Matty’s back to stop the tears from spilling down his face. The tattooed man didn’t even care that Matty was ruining his shirt.  
  
“I don’t care if he’s never done anything to me. He deserves it anyway. Look, he can’t even defend himself. He has to rely on you to defend him. How pathetic,” she said, flipping her hair back and putting her hands on her hips.  
  
She did the unexpected. She had pulled Matty away from Austin, slapping Matty in the face. He fell to the ground, crying on his knees while cradling his right cheek. “W-why?” he whispered, barely audible.  
  
Stephanie only scoffed, kicking Matty with her high heels (why she wore them that day specifically, they’ll never understand). “See? He can’t even take a slap!”  
  
“Stop it!” shouted Austin, kneeling by Matty, holding him close to him. “I don’t care if he can’t take a slap or not, he’s amazing, talented, adorable, sweet, caring, breathtaking, and perfect. I don’t care if he can’t fend for himself because I know that he would never hurt a fly. I don’t care if he needs me to be there to protect him, because I’m always gonna be there for him no matter what.”  
  
Stephanie said nothing, only glared at them. She sighed, realizing that all those rumors that Austin and Matty were in love might be true. Well…she doesn’t know about Matty but she _definitely_ knows that Austin loves him. He never looked at her like he was looking at the male below her when they were dating. She had to let go of the past and realize that if Austin was happy with someone else, then that was that. Maybe Austin was right, she didn’t know what love was. But what she _did_ know was that love was what Austin felt.  
  
So she left the coffee shop, letting go of the past and moving on.  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
When Austin took Matty to his lonely house, he made Matty sit down on his couch while he went to get something for the twenty three year old to drink. Once he returned back to his living room, he noticed Matty shaking a little, hearing the soft sobs coming from him. Austin sat down next to the male, hugging him and lying back on the couch. “Shh, its okay, I’m here.”  
  
“W-what did I d-do, Austin?” he asked, crying into his chest and hugging the tattooed man back tightly. “What d-did I do t-to deserve t-this?”  
  
“Matty, you didn’t do anything, okay? She’s just mean. Mean people obviously do mean things to good people. She’s probably just jealous because she’s not as amazing as you, Mats. Don’t worry about it, okay? I’m here and that’s all that matters.”  
  
After a while, Matty’s crying slowly started to stop, but there was still some tears running down his face. “Austin, did you mean what you said back there?”  
  
“What’d I say?” Austin asked, pretending like he didn’t remember what he said. Of course he meant it, but he just hoped that Matty wouldn’t leave him for it.  
  
“About you saying how amazing I am, how perfect I am. How you’ll never leave me and all. Did you mean it?”  
  
Austin kissed the top of Matty’s head, looking at him. “Of course I did. I meant every single word. If I didn’t then I wouldn’t be here trying to cheer you up.”  
  
Matty rested his head on Austin’s shoulder, smiling a little. “You’re always gonna be here for me?”  
  
“I’m always gonna be here, Matty. Even if you beat me with a stick, I’m still gonna stick around. I’m always gonna protect you; forever and always.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
Two months after that time when Stephanie had slapped Matty, things started to look up for the two. They were closer than ever before, closer than Austin and Alan were (not that Alan minded since he was starting to be closer with Justin). Although things went well for those two months, even the weirdest things happened.  
  
_“Austin, I ran into Gielle when I went to the store to go buy my cats' food!” Matty announced. After the incident with Stephanie, Matty and his two kittens moved in with Austin in his house.  
  
“Really?” Austin asked, putting his pencil down. Currently, he was writing a song that he wanted to record really soon. “Did she say or do anything to you?”  
  
“She didn’t do anything, but she did tell me that you and I looked cute together as crazy as it sounds. She told me to take care of you, that you can be a handful. Gielle also hugged me, weird huh?”  
  
“Yeah, **definitely**.”_  
  
Austin and Matty were always together. But Austin was going to tour with the band. It was going to be the first time he was actually gonna be separated (as in miles away) from each other. Matty didn’t mind because he knew how much the fans and music meant to Austin. For Austin, he didn’t mind either; he just wished that Matty would be there with him. He wanted to travel the world with him and show him all the beautiful exotic places.  
  
Matty was helping Austin pack for tomorrow since that’s when Austin had to go. “Come on Austin! It’s not gonna be any different. You’ve _always_ left for tour.”  
  
“Yeah, but it is different.”  
  
“Oh really, how?”  
  
“You’re not gonna be there.”  
  
The twenty three year old wrapped his arms around Austin, smiling at him. “Yeah, but it’ll be okay. We can Skype, call each other, text, and do Face Time! I’ll be here waiting for you till you get back, Aus.”  
  
_‘Yeah, but I just want you to be with me. I’m scared to leave you alone.’_  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
Matty was in the living room of his and Austin’s house, watching Star Wars with a blanket on his shoulders and a bowl of popcorn in his lap. He was wearing one of Austin’s t-shirts that fitted him loosely and one of Austin’s pajama pants. He missed Austin so much. Ever since he left, Matty slept in Austin’s bed, cuddling one of his pillows and wearing some of his shirts. He missed Austin hugging him from behind by surprise. He missed Austin’s scent, his sweet voice, his touch, his _everything_. The male thought that it’d be easy with not having Austin around, after all, he’s went all of his life without him.  
  
There was a knock on the door, startling Matty a little. He sighed heavily, pausing the movie and placing the bowl of popcorn on the cherry red wooden coffee table. “I’m coming!”  
  
He unlocked the door, opening it slightly. He saw a familiar face standing in front him with a smile on their face. “Hey,” the person simply said. They stepped inside the house, closing the door behind them.  
  
“Austin, you’re back!” Matty cheered, immediately wrapping his arms around his best friend’s neck, his face buried in his neck. Austin had returned early from tour. Matty didn’t know if it was a dream or reality. Everything felt so real to him though. The feel of Austin’s long, lanky arms wrapping themselves around Matty’s torso, the scent of Austin’s cologne, the touch of Austin’s lips on his head.  
  
“I missed you Matty, _so_ much, you have no idea,” he whispered, gently holding Matty tighter and closer to him. “I thought about you every day.”  
  
“I missed you too, Austin. As long as you’re here, that’s all that matters to me,” he whispered back. The room was silence, and they never let go of each other. It was as if they did, they’d float away.  
  
“Matty, I have to tell you something. I’ve been waiting to tell you this for so long, and now that I’ve been gone, I think I’m ready to tell you.”  
  
“What is it Austin?”  
  
“I love you Matthew Alexander Moore.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
Six months later, here Austin and Matty were, in their bedroom, cuddling while watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. That day after Austin announced his love for Matty, they started a relationship. Within the next six months, it was cuddles, dates, kisses, and even more kisses. The two weren’t ashamed of their relationship, and they announced it on Twitter that they now were finally a couple. A lot of fans were happy, and congratulated them about starting their relationship (finally!) while others were against them and no longer supported the band due to Matty and Austin’s relationship. Even though Of Mice and Men had lost some of their fans, that didn’t stop Austin and Matty from loving each other.  
  
“Austin, why do you love me?” Matty questioned all the sudden.  
  
“You really wanna know why?” Austin asked. Matty nodded, resting his head on Austin’s shoulder. Austin pulled Matty onto his lap, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy’s torso. He gave him a small peck on the lips, leaving them both butterflies in their stomach.  
  
“Well, my love, I love you for a lot of reasons. I love you because how sweet and caring you are. You always put everyone and everything first and yourself last. You try to make everyone around you smile and be happy, which is what you do best. You want to be there for everyone and you wanna take care of them. I love you because how amazingly talented you are, the way you’re so focused when you draw or paint. You might not like your work, but I do. It’s amazing and I can admire it all day, but I don’t because I’m too busy loving and admiring you. When you’re always singing to yourself and you thought that I wasn’t around to hear you, yeah, well I did. And you’re amazing. You have the voice of an ang—no, angels wish they had your voice, because that’s how amazing you sound.  
  
“I love the smile on your face and how it lights up a room. I love the way you bite the bottom of your lip when you’re nervous or you’re focused on something. I love the way you look down when you blush and when you hide your face. I love your laugh and how you cover your mouth. I love the color of your eyes and how breathtaking they are. I love how shy you are because you look so fucking cute, it’s not even funny. I love how you make me feel at home. I love the kisses you give me and when you tell me those three simple words that mean so much to me. But most of all, I love you because you are you.”  
  
At that point, Matty was crying. Not with tears of sorrow but tears of happiness. “Baby, what’s wrong?”  
  
“You really love me that much?”  
  
“Of course I do. I’d do anything for you. I love you Matthew Alexander Moore.”  
  
“I love you too, Austin Robert Carlile.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
A year later, here Austin was, looking at himself in the bathroom mirror at a fancy Italian restaurant. He wanted to make sure he looked good. His boyfriend was sitting at their table in the center of the restaurant, patiently waiting for his boyfriend’s return. Austin had excused himself and went to look at himself. So here he was, almost hyperventilating. After taking some deep breaths, he confidently (well tried to) walked out of the restroom, returning to the table where his boyfriend was already eating his meal of spaghetti with meat sauce. After all, he wanted to not look nervous in front of Matty since it was Matty’s twenty fourth birthday.  
  
Once the two finished their plate of pasta and their dessert of cheesecake, they were drinking some sort of fancy red wine the waiter had offered them. Matty went and excused himself to the bathroom. When Austin was sure that his boyfriend was out of sight, he put the silver object right by his glass of wine. The waiter smiled at him when he did so, and left as soon as Matty returned.  
  
“Are you having a good time?” Austin asked, his right leg shaking underneath the table nervously.  
  
“For the thousandth time, yes I am,” Matty answered with a giggle, giving him a reassuring smile to show that he truly meant it. Right when he was going to grab his glass of wine, he noticed the small, shiny silver object that was previously placed on the table. The now twenty four year old picked it up, looking at his boyfriend. “I-Is this…?”  
  
Austin took the ring from his small hand, getting out of his seat and kneeling down on one knee.  
  
“Matty, the moment I first met you, I knew you were special, that you were different. I remember how shy you were with your Squidgy t-shirt, and you rocked back and forth with your black Converse that you‘re wearing right now. From the first kiss we shared by the beach and our first date at the county fair, each and every second was the best. Every single day, I fell in love with your smile, your laugh, your voice, your everything. Matty, baby, you are my everything, my best friend, my sun and moon, the air I breathe to live. You are the Princess Leia to my Han Solo, the Padme Amidala to my Anakin Skywalker, as odd as it may sound.  
  
“Love, I want to grow old with you. I want to be the reason why you wake up every day, why you smile, why your heart is still beating. Count the amount of stars in the night sky, multiply it by a million and it still wouldn’t be as much as I love you. I know we’ve only been together for a year, but that one year has been the best year. I know I’m not that perfect, but, Matthew Alexander Moore, will you call yourself my fiancé? Will you be mine forever and always? Will you marry me?”  
  
Matty was sobbing happy tears by the end of Austin’s speech. He was speechless, and all he could do was nod, smiling that smile Austin had fallen in love with from the moment they first met. To be known as the future Matthew Alexander Carlile was such an honor and a blessing.  
  
“Yes.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
The next summer was their big day. Of Mice and Men had canceled a tour due to this memorable day. Today was Austin and Matty’s wedding day.  
  
Currently, Austin was standing in the hotel room by the beach, taking deep breaths like that night when he proposed to Matty. Expect this was different, he was getting married. Sure, he’s been married before, but he was marrying someone different, someone better, and someone who actually loves him.  
  
“Son, you look fine,” Austin’s father, Robert said, entering the room. “The ceremony is going to start in ten more minutes.”  
  
“Yeah, I know, dad. I’m just really nervous and I don’t wanna screw anything up,” Austin said, turning to look at him.  
  
Robert was fixing the red velvet tie his son was wearing, sighing a little. “You’re not going to screw anything up, Austin. Everything is going to turn out fine, I know it. Now let’s get going before it starts.”  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
Matty was in his hotel room, checking himself out in the mirror. Alex Gaskarth from All Time Low, who he started to become really good friends with, was sitting on his bed, watching his friend now pacing back and forth in the room. He was fiddling around with the tie he was wearing, getting frustrated. He was mentally yelling at himself, saying that this was why he doesn’t wear ties.  
  
“Here, let me help you,” Alex said, getting up and stopping Matty by placing his hands on his shoulders.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m just so damn nervous.”  
  
Alex only laughed a little, smiling at his friend. “Hey, when I was getting married with Jack, I was nervous too. It’s normal, Matty. But I promise that everything’s gonna go well. Just take a breath and let the rest come easy.”  
  
“Really? You used your own lyrics on me,” Matty said, playfully rolling his eyes at him and laughing. Alex was probably lucky that Matty loves “Dear Maria, Count Me In”.  
  
“Yes! But really, just take a moment to relax then you’re all good.”  
  
“Thanks, Lex.”  
  
“You’re welcome Mr. Future Matthew Carlile.”  
  


-|-|-|-

  
  
_‘Breathe, Austin. Everything is gonna go smoothly. Soon Matty and I will be married. Remember, forever and always.’_  
  
“You got this, Austin,” Alan said reassuringly.  
  
“Yeah, I can do this. I can do this,” Austin repeatedly said to himself. “Is it time to start?”  
  
“Now it is,” Phil said.  
  


-|-|-|-

  
  
“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Matthew Alexander Moore and Austin Robert Carlile in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace,” the minister began speaking.  
  
The wedding was taking place at a beach near the hotel they were staying at. It was a warm day and the sun was out, hardly any clouds in sight. The scenery was beautiful with its clean sandy ground and the clear saltwater was hardly crashing down the sand, but just sat there.  
  
“Now, Matthew, repeat after me,” the minister said, looking at him. “I, Matthew Alexander Moore, take you, Austin Robert Carlile, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, and this is my solemn vow.”  
  
Matty repeated the minister, his chocolate brown eyes never leaving Austin's.  
  
“And Austin, repeat after me. I, Austin Robert Carlile, take you, Matthew Alexander Moore, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, and this is my solemn vow.”  
  
Austin repeated the vow, Matty lovingly smiling at him the whole way through.  
  
“Who has the rings?” The minister asked, looking around at the guests.  
  
“I do,” Tino said, taking the box out of his pocket and handing them to Matty.  
  
“Matthew, repeat after me. I, Matthew Alexander Moore, give you Austin Robert Carlile this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you."  
  
“And Austin, repeat after me. I, Austin Robert Carlile, give you Matthew Alexander Moore this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you."  
  
One the ring exchanging was finished; Austin's heart began to race. This was it, the last part before he and Matty would officially be married.  
  
"By the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and husband,” the minister finally said, smiling softly at the pair. He could tell they were deeply in love with each other, “You may now kiss each other.”  
  
Austin didn't need to be told twice; he pulled Matty to him and connected their lips together in a loving, yet passionate kiss. Cheers erupted around them, and they pulled away grinning at each other.  
  
“Together,” Matty said, whispering against Austin’s lips.  
  
“Forever and always,” he finished, kissing him again.  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
A year later, the happily married couple was watching Star Wars in their living room, holding their hands and fingers entwined. Austin brought their hands to his lips, kissing Matty’s ring finger. As they continued to watch the movie, the phone was ringing.  
  
“I’ll go answer it, okay?” Austin said, getting up.  
  
“Okay, do you want me to pause it?” Matty asked.  
  
“No, just watch it while I go answer the phone.” Matty nodded, his eyes glued back to the television he and Austin had recently bought. “Hello?”  
  
_“Is this Austin Carlile?"_ asked an unfamiliar voice.  
  
“Uh, yes, who is this speaking?”  
  
_“Hello, my name is Dr. Isaac Fisher. I am calling regards to Dr. William Vincent. Does the name sound familiar to you by any chance?”_  
  
“Yeah, what about him? Did something happen?”  
  
_“I was told to inform you that Dr. Vincent has recently passed away just last week.”_  
  
“H-he’s dead?” Austin asked his voice cracking. Matty had now paused the movie, looking at his husband with concern.  
  
_“Yes, I’m afraid so. He died of a heart attack last Wednesday around the afternoon. Putting that tragedy aside, he was to perform a heart surgery that was to be scheduled,”_ Dr. Fisher started off. Austin could hear movements in the background. _“Two or three years ago, is that correct? Well, since he’s no longer here to do it, I must be able to do it.”_  
  
“I-I can’t do it. I change my mind.”  
  
_“I’m sorry to say that you can’t go back on your decision, Mr. Carlile. We must schedule an appointment for the surgery.”_  
  
Austin went to his and Matty’s room, closing and locking the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of his bed, looking away from the door. “Look, I hope I’m not coming off as rude, but I don’t want to do this procedure anymore. I’ve changed my mind, I hope you understand. Something has changed in my life and I don’t want this surgery to be in the way of that.”  
  
_“And what had occurred Mr. Carlile? What happened that supposedly changed your mind, not like its important.”_  
  
“I married my heart donor,” he said, ignoring the annoying attitude in the doctor’s voice.  
  
_“Well there’s nothing I can do, Mr. Carlile. Now I’ll ask again, are you going to do this procedure?”_  
  
“I-I…” Austin said, unlocking and opening the door. He saw his husband on the couch, asleep with him cuddled up to the pillow the tattooed man had brought from their bedroom. “I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this so far. c:
> 
> Title: The Curtain Close-Automatic Loveletter


	2. This Is The Ending Where We Say Goodbye

A week and two days has already passed by since that phone call from Dr. Fisher. Austin has yet to inform Matty about what it was all about since then. Every time when Matty asked what it was about, Austin told his husband that it was nothing to worry about.  
  
 _“Austin, please tell me what’s wrong,” pleaded Matty. Currently, he and Austin were in their bedroom, getting ready to go to sleep. “You’ve been acting strange since the phone call the other day, sweetie.”  
  
The older male sighed, his arms now wrapping themselves around Matty’s small body. He kissed the top of his head, a small frown on both of their faces. “Don’t worry about it, love.”  
  
“Why won’t you tell me?”  
  
“Because it’s not important, Matty,” he said softly. “The only thing that matters to me is that you’re okay and here with me. Please, don’t worry. I don’t like to see you upset.”  
  
The small male only sighed, resting his head on Austin’s chest, listening to his heart beat. “Alright.”_  
  
But no matter how hard Matty tried to get a reasonable explanation from the tattooed man, his husband would tell him that there was either nothing to worry about or it was nothing special, just some random number calling for an advertisement. Matty wasn’t blind and Austin knew that. Matty knew Austin as well as he knew himself so it was easy for the small male to see Austin’s lies in his eyes. And as each passing minute went by, he had enough of his husband hiding the topic of the phone call from him.  
  
It was around the middle of the night when Matty was fed up with Austin’s lame excuses. When the tattooed man was asleep, he released himself from his hold, grabbing the two luggage bags that were hidden under their bed. Matty wanted to leave so that he can have some space to himself and for Austin’s to have his space as well to think things out.  
  
When Matty was only centimeters close to the door, Austin was standing behind him, yawning softly. “Where are you going, baby?” Austin asked with a frown. Matty didn’t need to see his face to know that Austin was upset, afraid even.  
  
“I-I’m leaving, okay?” he answered, not looking at Austin.  
  
“Why? You’re coming back, right?”  
  
The smaller of the two sighed heavily, now turning to look at his husband’s tired brown eyes. “I’m leaving because you’re not being honest with me. You won’t tell me what that phone call was about and I’m just scared that you’re doing something behind my back. I-I just wanna know w-what’s wrong, okay? I’m your husband! I care about you more than I care about myself,” Matty said, now crying. “Just please tell me what’s going on.”  
  
Austin thought his heart was going to break, knowing that his husband was crying. The last time he witnessed Matty cry was when he got slapped by She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. “Mats, I would never cheat on you, if that’s what you’re thinking. You’re all I ever wanted and all I ever wished for and I would never do such a thing to you,” he said to him, picking him up bridal style. Austin carried him all the way back to their bedroom, laying him down and taking off Matty’s shoes. Once they were removed, he layed down next to the male, kissing the tears away from his face.  
  
“Last week, I got a phone call, saying that Dr. Vincent died, you remember him, right? Well, anyway, he died from a heart attack and this other doctor wanted to let me know and he also reminded me about that procedure we were _supposed_ to do like…two or three years ago. I told him I didn’t wanna do it anymore, but he said I couldn’t go back on my word. So I just told him to give me some time to think, that’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to worry you.”  
  
“But, you wanted to do this, remember? This is how we met; this is why I’m here in your life, Austin. Babe, you and I both know that your heart isn’t getting any better. And with your heart condition, it might fail on you sometime. I know you don’t wanna do this, but I _want_ you to.”  
  
“Don’t speak that way, I won’t allow you to!” Austin shouted, now crying as well. “Please, you don’t mean it, Matty. I can always get another heart donor, love, don’t worry. I don’t even wanna do this. What if it goes wrong? Please, Matty, _please_. You need me, you said it yourself. I _need_ you.”  
  
Matty hands held Austin’s face, his soft, small thumbs wiping away the tears on Austin’s face. “I need you too, believe me.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
_“Hello, is this Mr. Austin Carlile?”_  
  
“No, this is Matthew Carlile, speaking. Who is this?”  
  
 _“Matthew as in…Matthew Moore, is that correct?”_ asked an unfamiliar voice in the phone. Matty confirmed that it was indeed him, once again asking who it was. _“Oh, I’m Dr. Isaac Fisher. I am calling in regards for Mr. Carlile.”_  
  
“What about Austin?” Matty asked. Currently, Matty was watching The Little Mermaid (his mother’s favorite Disney movie), while Austin was out hanging with his old band mate, Shayley, and Alan. “Is there something wrong?”  
  
 _“No, not at all. I’m calling because I wanted to remind Mr. Carlile about the procedure he was supposed to do. I had informed him about so not too long ago, but he had never told me if he wanted to continue doing so. Do you know if he still wants to continue the procedure?”_  
  
“Since I’m his heart donor, I’m just wondering if he really needs the procedure. Is it necessary or just optional?”  
  
 _“He doesn’t actually need it as you would put it, but I highly recommend doing so. After checking on some of the recent lab work Mr. Carlile has done, I believe that he’s heart isn’t going to last very long,”_ the doctor said.  
  
Matty felt like the world had just ended in a matter of seconds. Austin, his heart not going to last very long, the thought made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t want Austin’s heart giving up. Matty wants Austin to live a long life, do things that maybe he’s never gotten to do before. “Forever and always” they always said. After thought and consideration, he knew he wasn’t going to regret the next thing he was going to say.  
  
“He’s gonna do the procedure.”  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
“Matty, can you come over here?” Austin called out from the living room. Matty didn’t hear the TV playing in the background, but he could hear the seriousness in his husband’s voice which sort of worried him. _“Now.”_  
  
Matty got up from his and Austin’s king sized bed, walking to the living room where he found the tattooed man quietly sitting on the couch, playing with his tattooed fingers. “What’s wrong, Aus?”  
  
Austin sighed heavily, not once making eye contact with Matty. “W-why did you tell Dr. Fisher that I-I’m doing the p-procedure?” he asked in a whisper.  
  
“Aus—“  
  
“Why, Matty? What’s so important that you told him that I would still continue doing the operation, huh?” Austin nearly shouted, finally looking at Matty. Austin’s once happy brown eyes looked so lifeless, so… ** _hopeless_**.  
  
“Because your heart is not gonna last much longer, Austin! He told me like he didn’t give two shits. Austin, I-I don’t want your heart to fail so soon, I don’t want you g-gone.”  
  
“I-I,” Austin said, not knowing what else to say. He couldn’t believe that this is was _exactly_ why Matty told Dr. Fisher that he was doing the operation, because he didn’t have much longer to live. “I-I didn’t know.”  
  
Matty hugged Austin, trying to hold back the river of tears that were threatening to spill down. “You deserve to live a long happy life, love. I don’t want you to die anytime soon. You always said to do what I wanna do, and this is what I wanna do. I want you to live the rest of your life without your heart getting in the way. I want you to have fun riding rollercoasters without your heart failing by the first drop. I want you to be able to play baseball like you used to. I want you to do whatever you couldn’t without your damn heart in the way of that.”  
  
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Austin questioned in a whisper tone. Although all those things did sound nice to do, he just wished he could do that _and_ still have his amazing husband by his side.  
  
“Yes.”  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
Ever watched that one MTV show, The Buried Life? Basically, it’s a show about doing things before you die. The first time Matty watched that show, he was inspired to do this own bucket list of things he has always wanted to do before he died. He never did do them, but he kept his list in his mother’s jewelry box that he kept as a memory of her. So while Matty was taking a nap after crying on Austin’s shoulder, the tattooed man looked through the wooden box in search of the piece of paper.  
  
After finding the only folded sheet of line paper in the box, Austin sat down on the bed, reading the list over and over again. The procedure was going to be on October 15, which was five months from now. Five months was enough for Austin to complete every single thing on the list.  
  


•|•|•|•  
 **June.**  


  
  
“Matty, wake up. I made you some breakfast, love,” Austin cooed, gently shaking the smaller male’s shoulder. As he saw Matty rub the sleep out of his eyes with his small fists, he stopped him from getting up from the bed. “No, you’ll have breakfast in bed today.”  
  
Matty tilted his head in confusion, wondering what his husband was up to. “What’s all this for?” he asked, referring to the freshly cooked meal.  
  
“Just a nice breakfast in bed for my amazing husband,” Austin answered, kissing Matty’s forehead.  
  
After them sharing the delicious plate of chocolate chip pancakes, slice of toast, and strips of bacon, they spent the whole day watching Disney movies, cuddling, and kissing in bed. Today was a perfect day for the two and Austin knew how to top it off. That was when thing one from Matty’s list came.  
  
Six o’ clock rolled around, and they had just finished watching The Corpse’s Bride. Austin instructed Matty to get ready in about ten minutes because he wanted to do something for him. After tying their shoes, brushing their messy bed hair, and having to stop five almost make out sessions, here they were on the rooftop of some building only Austin knew about.  
  
“What are we doing on a rooftop, Aus?” questioned Matty, looking at the sun about to set.  
  
“We’re gonna watch the sun set,” Austin answered, slipping his right arm around Matty’s small waist.  
  
The first thing that was on Matty’s bucket list was to watch the sun set then have a kiss  
underneath the moonlight on a rooftop. At first, Austin didn’t get why, but until he noticed how nice it felt with their arms around each other, staring at the yellow, orange sun setting while the sky went from looking light blue to a mixture of purple, blue, and a hint of pink, and the clouds fading. It felt nice having the hot summer air getting cooler. And once the sky was midnight blue and the stars sprinkled everywhere in the sky, Austin could have sworn that Matty looked even more beautiful underneath the moonlight.  
  
As the night went on, Austin heard the little yawn come out of his husband. “Ready to go home and sleep?”  
  
“Yes,” Matty said, rubbing his eyes just like he did earlier.  
  
Austin grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. Before he led Matty to the exit, he pressed his chapped lips with his husband’s luscious ones. They both smiled into the kiss, thinking that they’re living some scene in a cheesy romantic movie. But that was okay with Matty because as long as he was living that cheesy moment with the man he loved, then that was okay with him.  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
Two days passed by and Matty had been so happy after that. He didn’t have one clue that Austin was going to do everything he wanted to do before he died (Then again, Matty never really noticed things until the last minute). Austin wanted to do two more other things in the list before going to the upcoming Warped Tour that Of Mice and Men were doing (which Matty was coming along, obviously).  
  
The two walked hand in hand into a rather small building near the mall. Austin was taking Matty to get something that was in the list. The tall man was excited to see his husband’s reaction, and he was bouncing up and down like a little kid in Christmas. It only made Matty smile seeing how happy Austin is.  
  
“So what’d you wanna take to, Aus?” Matty asked, swinging their arms.  
  
As they entered the building, Austin simply grinned and said, “To get you your very first tattoo!”  
  
“Really, is this for real?”  
  
“W-why? Do you not like it?” Austin asked in concern.  
  
“No, no, not at all,” Matty assured Austin, kissing his cheek. “I’ve always wanted a tattoo.”  
  
“Well what are you waiting for? Let’s go get you your tattoo!”  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
Austin was told to wait for Matty. Matty was going to surprise Austin with what tattoo he was getting. If Austin was excited earlier, then he sure as hell is more excited now. He wondered what the small male could be getting a tattoo of. Was it something meaningful? Was it something silly? Was it something that was going to look beautiful or badass on him? Where was he getting his tattoo at? Once Matty told Austin that he was ready to go back home, they both thanked the tattoo artist, saying their goodbyes.  
  
“So what’d you get a tattoo of?” Austin asked, once they got home. He probably asked a hundred times on the drive home, though Matty told Austin that he would tell him as soon as they set foot inside their house.  
  
Matty stuck out his ring finger, smiling nervously. It was Roman Numerals on the side of his finger that read _VI XXI XVI_. Austin looked slightly confused, so Matty sighed, sitting down on the couch. “It’s the date of our wedding. June, 21st, 2016. Well…it’s just the sixteen part, but oh well.”  
  
“I like it,” complemented Austin, smiling at Matty.  
  
“I also got another tattoo as another surprise,” Matty said.  
  
“You got _another_ one?”  
  
The small male nodded excitedly, pulling his shoulder length black hair back, exposing his neck. It was a tattoo of a giant white rose on the right side of his neck. “I got this one because my mom always liked roses but she especially loved the white ones. She thought that they were absolutely beautiful. Whenever I see a white rose, I think of her, you know? So I decided to get this tattoo as a memory of her. Roses are beautiful and so was she.”  
  
Austin’s traced the tattoo with his index finger, smiling at it. “I love it.”  
  


•|•|•|•  
 **July.**  


  
  
It was the second month of Warped Tour already, and today was actually Matty’s birthday. Austin had a lot in stored today, and it involved the next three things in the bucket list. After waking Matty up, and taking a shower, they headed off outside the bus and off they went. The smaller of the two was blindfolded, Austin’s hand the only thing helping him lead to wherever he was taking him.  
  
A few minutes later and Matty almost falling to his face from trying to climb up a few stairs, he could hear a familiar voice speaking with his husband.  
  
“Hey, Austin. How are ya?” the voice asked. “Who’s this and why is he blindfolded?”  
  
Austin only chuckled. “I’m fine and I actually wanted to surprise him.”  
  
“Is this some weird kinky shit or…?”  
  
Matty giggled, blushing as he felt Austin’s fingers slightly touch the black blindfold (which was really one of Phil’s clean long black socks). Once he took it off, Matty couldn’t believe who was standing in front of him. “Josh, this is my husband, Matty.”  
  
It was _Josh Franceschi_. “Well hello there, mate. I can tell you’re a fan of the band by the You Me at Six shirt you’re wearing, huh? It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot of things from my mate, Austin, over here.”  
  
“Today is Matty’s birthday actually,” Austin said, wrapping an arm around Matty’s waist.  
  
“Oh really?” Josh asked, looking at Matty. The boy nodded his head, smiling at Josh who returned the smile. “Happy birthday, mate!”  
  
“Thank you,” Matty finally said, hugging the British male.  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
Austin had left Josh and Matty alone to socialize. Meeting Josh Franceschi was another thing that was in the list, which he crossed off. While Austin was hanging out with the band and some of the We Came As Romans guys, Josh and Matty just talked about music and a bunch of other random stuff. They both just clicked, and instantly became good friends. Matty had to remember to thank Austin for that amazing gift because getting to meet Josh and exchange phone numbers with him was probably the best thing ever that’s happened on his birthday.  
  
Once Matty and Josh went their separate ways, Josh heading off to do a signing and Matty to the Of Mice and Men bus, Matty was told that he was gonna have _another_ surprise. As Matty was excitedly watching his husband perform his set, he wondered what his surprise could be. His thoughts were interrupted once he heard the loud cheers coming from the audience.  
  
“I wanna bring out somebody special today,” Austin said into the microphone, no longer looking at the fans but at the small male. He walked towards him, grabbing his hand and leading him onto the stage. “You guys all know my amazing husband, Matty, right?”  
  
The fans shouted a “yeah.”  
  
“Awesome, well today is his birthday! And I wanted to do something special, something he’s never gonna forget for his birthday.” Aaron handed the vocalist a microphone, who only handed it to Matty. “This song is called Second and Sebring, and my husband is gonna sing this with me.”  
  
“I-I am?” Matty asked, looking at Austin in astonishment.  
  
“Yeah! You guys wanna hear him sing with me?!” Austin asked, mostly shouted, into the microphone, a loud cheer as a response. “Let’s do this.”  
  
 _“I believe it's time for me to be famous and out of place. I believe it's time for me to move forward. When I break through…”  
  
“You know that I will always be here 'til the end.”  
  
“I'll use the love you left behind. I'll change their minds, I'll change their minds.”  
  
“I hope you smile when you look down on me.”  
  
“This is not what it is; only baby scars. I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side,”_ Matty sung into the microphone.  
  
 _“This is not what it is; only baby scars. I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side, yeah.”_ The song ended, with the audience cheering and some of the nearby bands that were performing watching and cheering as well.  
  
 _‘I hope I made you proud, mom.’_ Matty thought to himself, holding his husband’s hand.  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
The happy couple were walking around, greeting all the fans and watching the bands. Matty had promised Josh that he would watch You Me at Six’s set and so that’s where they were heading off to. After stopping to take photos and Austin signing stuff for the fans, they were now watching the British men step on stage.  
  
“What’s up, Ohio?!” Josh said, flashing a charming smile. “Before we start our set, I would like to say happy birthday to a new friend of mine, Matty Carlile, who’s watching us right now!”  
  
Matty blushed. _‘Can this day get **any** better?’_  
  
A couple of songs later, here Matty and Austin were, Matty swaying to Always Attract with Kellin Quinn from Sleeping with Sirens singing with Josh and Austin’s arms holding him from behind, his chin resting on Matty’s shoulder. Austin thought the next thing on the list after singing with Austin would be hard (it was “Do something interesting at Warped Tour that has never happened before.”), but after reaching out to Josh, he had to rely on the British man to help do so.  
  
“Our next song is dedicated to our friends, Austin and Matty. It’s not a song by either Kellin or I, but we wanted to surprise them with this next song. This is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.”  
  
“The song we danced to on our wedding?” Matty asked, more to himself than to the tattooed man.  
  
“I didn’t think they’d play this song, but,” Austin started off, standing in front of his husband and letting a hand out. “Will you have this dance with me?”  
  
“Yes,” Matty answered with a giggle.  
  
Matty put his arms around his husband’s neck, Austin’s hands resting on Matty’s hips. They moved slowly, Matty’s head on Austin’s chest, humming along to Kellin and Josh’s singing.  
  
 _“And I'd give up forever to touch you,  
‘cause I know that you feel me somehow.  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
and I don't wanna go home right now.  
  
And all I can taste is this moment.  
And all I can breathe is your life.  
When sooner or later it's over,  
I just don't wanna miss you tonight.  
  
And I don't want the world to see me,  
‘cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am.”_  
  
The audience made a huge circle around them, watching them in awe. Truly this was something that has _never_ happened at Warped Tour.  
  


•|•|•|•  
 **August.**  


  
  
Warped Tour 2017 ended just a week ago and honestly, it was a crazy, but memorable, summer. The procedure was in two more months, and honestly, it was freaking Austin out. He didn’t want to lose Matty already. Sure, the summer went by really slow, but he didn’t want it to end. He went through the list in his hands.  
  
Watch the sun set then have a kiss on the rooftop underneath the moonlight.  
Get at least one tattoo.  
Meet Josh Franceschi  
Perform Second and Sebring live with Austin Carlile.  
Do something interesting at Warped Tour that has never happened before.  
  
There was one more thing left to do in the list, and honestly, it took him a lot of research to do before he planned on doing it.  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
It was nearly the end of August and after enough “research”, he was ready to do the last thing on Matty’s list. Currently, Austin and Matty were driving to the place where Austin had to accomplish his final thing on the list. The car ride there was silent, but very much nerve-wracking. Austin was driving apprehensively, causing worry to build up inside Matty. Austin wondered if Matty would be sad, happy, or furious.  
  
Once arriving there, Austin opened the passenger door like the gentleman he is, taking his husband’s hand and leading him the way. Matty looked around his surroundings, stepping on the freshly cut green grass with every step. It looked so depressing, so sad, but he knew _why_ he was here. And suddenly, he was glad that he was.  
  
Now, the two males were standing in front of the dirty tombstone, no words spoken just like the car ride to the graveyard. Matty kneeled down, his pale finger tracing the name and the date of birth and death on the tombstone.  
  


**Isabelle Marie Moore  
Loving friend, sister, and mother.  
February 6th 1970-August 20th, 2013**

  
  
“A-Austin, you took m-me to my mom’s g-grave?” Matty asked, a tear landing on the dirt he was kneeling on, not looking at Austin.  
  
“Yeah, you said you never got to visit her grave and you wanted to, so I decided to take you there before the ‘who you-know-what’ happens,” Austin answered. Well it wasn’t entirely a lie.  
  
“Can you give me a moment alone?”  
  
“Of course, anything for you.” Austin kissed the top of Matty’s head, leaving him alone as requested.  
  
“Hey mom,” Matty started off. “I’m sorry that I haven’t gotten to visit you after you died. I feel like a pretty shitty son. I miss you so much and I think of you every day. Um…I actually got married. Yeah, remember that guy I had a bunch of posters of with him and his band, yeah, well, that’s my husband. His name is Austin Carlile. I just wished that you could have met him before you died. He’s an amazing guy and I know you would have loved him. But you’ll meet him someday. Maybe not in person, but oh well. Austin has a big heart, literally. So…his heart isn’t gonna last much longer and he’s gonna need some sort of procedure if he’s gonna live longer. And well…I’m gonna give him my heart. I told him that I’m only giving it to him because I want him to live the best life and live longer. And I just wanna see you again, but I would never tell him that, at least not yet.  
  
“Putting that aside, I just wanted to let you know that I’m doing fine. I know I never did marry some beautiful girl and have adorable grandkids like you would have wanted, but deep down, I know you think I did better in my life. I know that I never did achieve my dream of being a famous singer like I said I would, but that’s okay because I’m already living an amazing life and that’s all I can ask for. Mom, I-I, I wish my last words to you weren’t ‘See you later mom’, because later never happened. I wish the last day I spent with you would have been better instead of me running around your house and being stupid. But when we were dancing in your kitchen like nothing mattered, that was something I don’t regret doing that honestly. Seeing you happy and me being the cause of that is enough for me to be satisfied.”  
  
Matty got up, walking towards Austin who was actually standing a few tombstones away from him, taking his hand. “Mom, this is my amazing husband, Austin. You know…the guy you used to playfully make fun of me about for having a massive crush on him.” Austin giggled, kissing Matty’s cheek and holding his hand. “Bye mom.”  
  
“You wanna go?” Austin asked.  
  
“Yeah,” he mumbled.  
  
“Actually,” Austin started off, his free hand cupping Matty’s face and thumb wiping away the tears. “Can you give me a moment alone? I just need to think for a little bit.”  
  
“Okay, I’ll be in the car.” They both stood up, Matty then leaving. Once Austin was sure that he was all alone, he sat down in front of the tombstone, sighing a little.  
  
“Hello Mrs. Moore. I know you don’t really know me as well as you know your son, but I really wish we did have the opportunity to meet. You’re son, Matty, he’s perfect. You raised a fine man, Mrs. Moore. And although I don’t really know you very well, but from all the stories about you Matty tells me, you seem like a nice woman. I know he probably didn’t notice me overhearing the one part where he wanted to die just to be with you, but I just wanted to say…take good care of him up there for me. I know you and my mom will do a great job up there.”  
  


•|•|•|•  
 **September.**  


  
  
The beginning of the month, Austin had confessed to Matty about doing everything that was on the list. Matty only laughed at Austin’s anxious behavior, kissing him and telling him that he didn’t really mind that as long as he did everything on that list with Austin, then that was alright by him. Of Mice and Men were working on adding two new songs in their album that was released two months before Warped, and there was one more surprise for Matty (this time, it wasn’t on the list).  
  
Tino, Phil, Aaron, and Alan were told by Austin about Matty deciding to give up his heart for him and that he was going to do it next month. The four males were surprised and upset, Alan even crying about the shocking news. So that’s why they decided to do a deluxe album like they did on The Flood.  
  
“Hey Matty,” Alan said, looking at the male who was sitting next to Aaron.  
  
“Yeah Alan?”  
  
“I think you should sing in one of the new songs. I think the fans would love hearing you sing in the album since they loved your performance back at Warped.”  
  
“You really think so? Nah, I shouldn’t though.”  
  
“You should! If you record the song, then I’ll download the song,” Alan said with a serious look.  
  
“I don’t know Alan,” Matty said, looking unsure.  
  
“I agree with ‘Gingie’ over here,” Tino said, ignoring the ginger’s glare. “I love your singing and the album would be more awesome, no offense to Aaron.”  
  
“Maybe if Aus—“  
  
“What about me?” Austin asked who just came back from using the bathroom. Tino and Alan began to explain to the tattooed vocalist about his husband recording a song with him for the album after hearing him sing back at Warped Tour. “That’s an amazing idea! You should do it, Mats!”  
  
“Aus, are you sure?”  
  
“I’m one hundred percent positive.”  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
Instead of recording a new song like they were going to do before, Austin decided to sing a song with Matty that has already been recorded. It was one of Matty’s favorite Of Mice and Men songs, which he always sang to himself when he painted back at their house. They were gonna sing it together and it was going to be the last song they’ve sung. It was When You Can’t Sleep at Night.  
  
 _“Here in this world I’m awaked with mistakes, but its love that keeps fueling me. Fueling me…”_ Matty started off. _“Pretty little lady with your swollen eyes. Would you show them to me? I know I’m not that perfect, but you stay awhile baby, then you will see.”_  
  
 _“Miles away I can still feel you. Lay your head down on my embrace. My embrace, far away…”_ Austin sung, smiling a little. _“Here in this world I’m awaked with mistakes, but its love that keeps fueling me. Fueling me to love you. Miles away I can still feel you lay your head down on my embrace…”_  
  
 _“Be not afraid to love me…”_ they both sung together.  
  
They never were afraid of loving each other.  
  


•|•|•|•  
 **October.**  


  
  
This was it, the very last month of seeing each other. This was the last month they could make love, hold each other’s hands, cuddle, kiss, hug, talk—even stare at each other—one last time. Austin was beginning to hate the month of October, and honestly, he doesn’t even think he even liked it besides celebrating Halloween.  
  
Right now, the two were sitting in the hospital room, finally getting it over with (as how Matty would put it). Austin was heavily breathing, unable to contain himself. He felt as if his heart was going to give up right then and there. Maybe he was lucky if he did, he thought. Then maybe Matty can walk out of the hospital with his own heart. Although if that ever _did_ happen, Austin knows Matty wouldn’t be able to sleep for weeks—maybe even months—and would blame it on himself. He was watching Matty sing and dance along to Jet Leg by Simple Plan with his earphones on. His hospital gown fitted him loosely due to his thin frame, but to the tattooed man’s eyes, he still looked good either way.  
  
Matty tried to look brave. Austin has always put on the brave mask throughout their whole friendship and relationship, and now it was his turn to put it on. It wasn’t easy for Matty to walk into the hospital and pretend that the whole procedure was nothing when it was in fact **something**. But what can he do? He already agreed to do it, and he already knows that he _wants_ to do it. But that didn’t matter anymore because he’s ready to get it over with, but he knows that he can’t do it without having his husband ready.  
  
“Austin,” Matty said, putting his iPod in Austin’s jacket pocket. The black leather with a grey hoodie jacket that he bought for Austin’s birthday (since they were going up to Ohio that one year back when they were just best friends instead of husband and husband).  
  
“Yeah Mats?” Austin asked, trying to get comfortable in his hospital bed. They got a room with two separate hospital beds, and honestly, the atmosphere in the room was uncomfortable.  
  
“It’s gonna get better,” he said, getting on the bed and cuddling next to Austin.  
  
“No it’s not, Matty. After this, I’m never gonna see you again. I’m never gonna be able to hold you, and kiss you, and love you. I hate having to lose you. I hate knowing that I’m never gonna grow old with you and that I’m never gonna have a perfect family with you. I hate that I know this is gonna be the last time I see you. W-Why did you a-agree to this, M-Matty?”  
  
Matty sighed heavily, wiping the tears away on Austin’s face. He passionately kissed his lips, knowing that this would be the last time they would have a kiss like this. “I hate this too, A-Austin. But we c-can’t go back. This is it and I know we can never do those things anymore, but just do me one favor.”  
  
“W-what?”  
  
“Stay strong for me.”  
  
“I-I can’t. Not this time.”  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
It was now time for the operation and the couple was being taken to the operation room. They requested to have the operation done in the same room as weird as it sounds. But if Matty was gonna leave this world; they wanted to at least be in the same room before he’s gone. The two got on their own beds that were very close to each others. As they had their masks placed on, the sleeping gas already coming, they held each other’s hands, entwining their fingers together one last time.  
  
Austin lifted his mask slightly, looking at Matty. “Hey Matty?”  
  
Matty did the same, looking at him as well. “Yeah Austin?”  
  
“I love you, Matthew Alexander Moore Carlile.”  
  
Matty was beginning to feel the sleep take over him, but he didn’t let that get it the way for his last statement. “I love you too, Austin Robert Carlile.”  
  


**-|-|-|-**

  
  
Austin woke up, feeling a slight pain in his chest. He looked around his surroundings, noticing that his friends were in the room sitting by his bed. He just hoped that everything was a dream and that Matty was hiding behind the guys. He just hoped that Matty would come out and yell, “Surprise, I’m not giving out my heart, silly! Let’s go home and cuddle and watch Disney and Star Wars!” But after a minute of just looking at them, nothing happened.  
  
“Where’s Matty, guys?” Austin questioned, hoping that one of them would tell him that Matty is in the cafeteria getting something to eat.  
  
“You’re serious, Austin?” Shayley asked his voice cracking and hoping that it didn’t come off as rude.  
  
“W-We actually go—“  
  
“Yes,” Phil said, sighing. “You guys got the operation over with.”  
  
“Y-you’re lying! You both are! M-Matty is gonna come out a-and we’re gonna be okay! Everyone thing i-is gonna be okay!” Austin shouted, tears threatening to spill.  
  
“Austin, touch your chest,” Alan instructed, already crying.  
  
Austin didn’t say another word, but did as he was said, an index finger touching it. He felt a scar from his heart surgery that he had from before he went back to Of Mice and Men….before he met Matty. As he let his finger move around, he felt another scar next to that one. It felt _so_ real, and that feeling in his stomach felt dreadful.  
  
“O-Oh,” he whispered to himself. The tattooed male turned to look at the unmade bed next to his. The white blankets nearly falling off the bed, the white pillow on the edge of the bed, the teddy bear Matty brought from the house that Austin won for him, _Matty’s clothes_.  
  
The male got up from his hospital bed, ignoring the curious stares from his friends. Austin layed down on the bed that was once occupied by Matty, cuddling the brown teddy bear. The sheets _still_ smelled like _him_. The bed was still a little warm from _him_. He cried, wishing that he could have done something. He wished that he could have said that they were never gonna do the procedure. It’s too late though.  
  
You can’t bring the ones you love back.  
  


•|•|•|•  
 **One Year Later.**  


  
  
Austin never moved on. How could he when lost the love of his life. Ever since the day of the procedure, he was never the same. He was never as happy, he was never as excited over the smallest things like he used to. He was never up to doing stupid things like he used to. Austin never tried to find someone new because he knew that there was no one in the world as perfect as Matthew was. Every day after the procedure, he would listen to the songs in Matty’s iPod. Every day, he would wear the jacket Matty bought him, he would sing Matty’s favorite songs, he would dance out of nowhere like Matty used to do when he felt down, and he would do everything Matty did.  
  
Dr. Vincent was right; the procedure did work. Sure, he would have to have monthly check ups with Dr. Fisher on how hi— _Matty’s_ heart was doing. But he didn’t want a healthy heart, he never did. He wanted Matty, the boy who showed him what falling in love was like and the boy who showed him what falling in love all over again felt like.  
  
Austin was driving around, not knowing how to spend his afternoon. He couldn’t record a song since the band broke up to due Austin’s emotional state. He didn’t bother paying attention to the road. It reminded him of how whenever he’d look at Matty, he’d see that blush he fell in love with and Matty would tell Austin to look at the road.  
  
But maybe he didn’t _want_ to look at the road anymore.  
  
All the sudden, his steering wheel began to not work properly. He couldn’t turn the wheel and he started to panic. As he tried the breaks, it wouldn’t work either. As he continued driving, he knew that this was it. Austin knew that this was the end and he didn’t know what to think of it.  
  
 _Crash!_  
  
The vehicle ran into a large oak tree. Austin could smell smoke coming from the hood of the car, so he unbuckled his seatbelt, carefully attempting to get out of the car. His head was bleeding rapidly and the two scars on his chest were cut open, more blood spilling out.  
  
“I’m not gonna make it,” he said to himself.  
  


_“I’m right here, don’t worry…”_

  
  
“M-Matty, is that you?”  
  


_“It’s gonna be okay. I’m right here, Austin…”_

  
  
“M-Matty, am I gonna see you a-again?”  
  


_“Yes.”_

  
  
“I-love you, Matty.”  
  


_“I love you too, Austin.”_

  
  
“Forever and always,” he whispered, barely audible.  
  


_“Forever and always.”_

  
  


•|•|•|•

  
  
_The light at the end of the tunnel was really bright. Austin didn’t know where to go or what to expect. Was he dead? What was he supposed to do? Is this the end or what?  
  
He was no longer wearing blood stained clothing, but fresh, clean ones. He walked around, until he heard familiar giggling and an unfamiliar voice. “Matty? Where are you?”  
  
“Austin, over here!” called out that sweet voice he fell in love with. As Austin continued walking, he saw two females talking to his husband. They were all giggling, smiling as if all of life’s problems no longer existed.  
  
“Austin, sweetie!” Matty cheered. Austin finally saw Matty running towards him, hugging and kissing him. He could hear the two females “awe” behind them.  
  
“Where are we?” Austin asked, hugging him back.  
  
“It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that we’re together again.”  
  
“Austin, sweetie,” said an angelic voice.  
  
Austin let go of Matty, staring at a women with long, brown flowing hair. Her skin looked soft and delicate. She smiled innocently, that familiar smile he missed seeing. The women stood up, almost as tall as him. As she came walking towards him, she stretched out her long, thin arms for a hug. With each step, she kept looking more beautiful, more kind hearted, more **motherly**. Finally, as she hugged Austin, she kissed his cheek. “I missed you, son.”  
  
“M-mom, it’s really you?”  
  
“I’m proud of the man you have become, Austin. I just wish I was there to live your success. But I’m here now and that’s all that matters okay. I’m proud that you’ve stayed strong, I’m proud that you’ve inspired so many people, I’m proud that you’ve saved so many lives, I’m proud that you’re still my baby boy.”  
  
“I missed you mom and I love you.”  
  
“I love you too, sweetie,” she said, smiling and pulling away. “By the way, you picked a fine young man.”  
  
Matty had introduced Austin to his mother, Isabelle. She looked just like Matty. She had dark brown hair and was the shortest out of the four. Her voice was just as sweet as Matty’s and she had gotten along with Austin.  
  
Once the two were alone, they walked around aimlessly, hand in hand and fingers laced.  
  
“I love you, Austin,” Matty said.  
  
“I love you too, Matty,” Austin said.  
  
Austin hugged Matty, the smaller male’s arms wrapping themselves around Austin’s neck while Austin’s hands rested on his waist. They captured each other’s lips, smiling into the kiss. “Together,” Matty whispered.  
  
“Forever and always.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing this!
> 
> Title: The Curtain Close-Automatic Loveletter


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